Trans By Default
Personality: The Body in Society
Traits come on a bell curve. Gendered traits are broadly correlated with one another. 0.7% of the population poll as transgender. Let’s assume the true prevalence of “transgender” if there is no stigma against them is 3*0.7% = 2%. Imagine that 2% of men land in the middle of the female bell curve, and 2% of women land in the middle of the male curve. We can estimate these numbers to be close to one another.
My year group in high school (generally a respectful space) has a 3/150 = 2% prevalence of transgender high school kids. I am maybe the 3th girliest out of 75 boys which means i’m in the top 4% of opposite-sex traited students, or 1 in 25. I am definitely closer to the female median than the male on the measure, and more in line with female culture than male culture.
These non-typical traits then, would make me perform worse than average as a guy, and at least average as a girl, in being legible in the wider cishet-normative society in which we live. Legibility is important - it’s the foundation for stability and long term mutually beneficial skill, information and resource exchange relationships. You must be legible to fit into society, which is something I desire.
The Importance of Recurring Games
My personality is not totally random; given that I am a child of a Chinese immigrant in the West, I am mildly selected to be smart, take things seriously, physically weak. I am physically weak becase it has not been that bad to be physically weak, in the context of Chinese society and expectations for children to study for examinations and my social class (most classes that are not farming or assembly line work). By chance I am dependent for affection, and full of love. These last two are random, but also strongly point in the female social role direction.
Being a man, and being held to the standards of men, is not a realistic choice for me. The realistic, workable choice is being held to the standards of women. Even if it’s not a full replacement, just an escape, it will help me function. I need to be seen as something to be protected, to be cherished, and treated warmly. I will not do well if held to standards I cannot fulfil.
Three Hundred Ways It Can Hurt to Be a Man
As long as society treat males as they are currently being treated, my response won’t go away. A male body does not provide me with anything I want, except layers of expectations I cannot fulfil. It makes people treat me like someone who is going to cause harm. But I mainly fantasise about marriage, and caring and being cared for. I’m not at all wired to cause harm!
Either my body or my personality would continue to be a burden on the other, by status quo. I don’t know how to change my personality but I do know how to change my body. Having a female or even intersex body will not stop me from performing economically valuable activities, such as programming, tinkering, researching and writing exams. It reduces my day-to-day stress, both external and learned, and would qualitatively improve my performance.
I have already thought a ton about this issue - ones which hormones would and have fixed in other people. I can point to PhD students and assistant professors and other successful, well-adjusted people. I am trying to get there, and it will be okay! If I don’t get endocrine intervention, I expect I will continue to suffer and be stressed every single day, as it has been for the last 6 years.
Society or personality is hard to change, but biology is easy and safe to change and people will not die or get hurt.
Categories Were Made For Man, Not Man For The Categories